Life of a Footman
by Shantazzar
Summary: A humorous look through a footman's eyes, supposed to be funny.
1. Chapter 1, a random melee

First off, I don't own any Warcraft, more specifically Warcraft III since it is almost a COMPLETELY different game. (I do want a Illidan action figure though, normal, or Frozen throne verson, dosent matter)

This story is supposed to be what life is like as a footman, includes talking with other footman, abuse by the Knights, and reckless suicide missions to damage the enemy at the sure cost of a footmans life. Plus arrogant heros.

"Yawn" muttered the footman. "My name is Bob" the footman said so that the author, and the reader don't get him confused with the other footmen, cause in reality, he dosent have a name.

"Hey footman, what are we doing?" said Bob to a footman. "Well, for now we are just standing here" said the footman, "I guess we are going to go into battle soon".

"HEY FOOTMEN!" shouted the Archmage that strode up confidentally, "Come on, we are going to take out some creeps." "Why are they called creeps?" said Bob. "Insolent footman" muttered the Archmage, suppressing the urge to polymorph Bob.

a/n: yes, I know the Archmage cant polymorph, but hey, it's the ARCH mage, im sure that somewhere he learned how, just prefers to summon water elementals and so on.

"There they are" said the Archmage, "They are fairly tough, might be dangerous". "You mean dangerous for US, not for YOU" muttered the footman, shortly before being polymorphed. "What?" said the Archmage, "I was just DISGUISING him, so he can sneak up on the creeps unnoticed" said the Archmage, as he issued off the newly sheepified footman.

"ouch" said Bob, "that had to hurt". "Darn, I was sure the sheep thing would work" said the Archmage, "Lets try it again, he probably just didn't act sheepish enough" he said, as all the footmen began running away. "HEY, THE BASE IS THE OTHER WAY!" shouted the Archmage.

They ran straight into the creep camp, and being driven by so much fear (of becoming sheep) they hacked the creeps to shreds as they ran by at top speed. Shortly after, "HEY you FOOTMEN!" said a Knight, "pathetic, running from an archmage, just cause your afraid of some lil ol creeps that might BITE you" the Knight said as he smacked Bob on the head. In fact, he hit Bob so hard that Bob woke up 5 hours later, after the battle was over.

"Hey Bob, we are moving out, the scourge are trying to summon some big demon lord, gonna destroy the world and all, and they need little people to run in and get killed, so we are all going." Said another footman. "Ok, whatever" replied Bob


	2. Chapter 2, Archimonde's summoning

Chapter 2, Archimonde's summoning

And, NO, I still don't own Warcraft, OR an Illidan action figure

"Whew, we made it, muttered a footman, as he and Bob walked out of a Barracks, "Where are we?" "You insolent fools!" shouted a Paladin, "Thou arest about to join yon massive attack on the undead, we MUST stop them before they finish summoning their demon lord!"

"Why, what will happen if they summon him?" asked Bob.

"BAD STUFF!!!" shouted the Paladin in reply

"What kind of bad stuff?"

"REALLY BAD STUFF!!!"

"that didn't answer my question, what kind of bad stuff?"

"INSOLENT FOOTMAN, HOW DARETH YOU QUESTION THE BADNESS OF THE DEMON LORDS SUMMONING!!!" the Paladin shouted as he smote Bob

Bob, after being smoten, landed on the ground, "DRAT, I shall have to smite thou better next time you insolent footman" said the Paladin, "but first, I shall have to use mine might to smite those EVIL undead GHOULS with FURY, FURY SMITES ARE THE BEST OF THEM ALL!!!!!"

"Do you ever talk normally" asked Bob.

"How dareth thee question my speech! I shall smite the, even though thou hast already been smoten"

"wow" Bob muttered

"We are going now yon footman, thou doest well, or I shall have a smiting in for you upon yon return" saideth the Paladin.

A large force consisting of many footmen, Knights, Gryphon riders, priests, sorceresses, and yon Paladin began to charge the undead fortifications. "WE MUST HURRY, the Demon Lord is about to come!" shouted the Paladin. "ATTACK!!!!"

The attack was large enough for the force to overwhelm the undead presence, but as they were just about to make it to the summoner...

"BEHOLD!!!" shouted the weird bony guy that was summoning, "THE DEMON LORD"

suddenly, in a booming voice, "NOT EVEN DEATH CAN SAVE YOU FROM ME" came the words from a familiar looking demon.

"HEY, that's not Archimonde, its Diablo!" shouted the weird bony guy. "Wheres Archimonde?" shouted an evil moronic looking Death Knight named Arthas.

A/N: it should be apparent, if I write more of these, but just so you know, I hate Arthas

"Whoops, wrong game, is there perchance a town called Tristram near here?" asked Diablo.

"Sorry, no" said Arthas, the idiot

"Well then... hmm, I wonder where Archimonde is then? Said Diablo as he stepped back through the portal.

Meanwhile at that same time, Archimonde was busy destroying a paladin, amazon, and a necro, cause of his divine armor, when Diablo walked in, "Hey Archy, they need you in Kalimdor" said Diablo. "Aww, come on, I was having fun... oh well" sighed Archimonde, stepping through the portal.

"TREMBLE MORTALS AND DESPAIR, FOR DOOM HAS COME TO YOUR WORLD!"


End file.
